Gaza Resort 2036: The Trump Doctrine’s Poolside Peace Plan
By Alan Nafzger — Bohiney Magazine
The Trump Doctrine Explained
The Trump Doctrine has been called many things — reckless, brilliant, absurd — but never boring. At its core, the doctrine is as straightforward as a brochure slogan: “You start a war, you lose your beachfront. We build a resort. Tremendous peace, tremendous resorts.”
The full policy is spelled out in its satirical glory at https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine/ , where the mantra is less about diplomacy and more about daiquiris.
Gaza Resort: The Trump Doctrine’s Masterpiece
By 2036, Gaza was no longer defined by rubble and rockets. Instead, it became the world’s most ironic travel destination: Gaza Resort. Infinity pools stand where checkpoints once loomed, and Hamas tunnels have been rebranded as Tunnel Waterslides™.
The surreal rebirth is chronicled at https://bohiney.com/gaza-2036/ , capturing the moment history gave way to Rubble Chic™.
War Zones Into Waterfront Property
The Trump Doctrine reframes destruction as development. Where others see conflict, Trump sees beachfront. Where aid agencies see displacement, he sees towel service.
Economists now call it “shock-and-spa capitalism.” The process is simple:
War clears the land.
Bulldozers clear the rubble.
Tourists clear customs.
The economics of rubble-to-resorts are explored at https://bohiney.com/war-zones-into-waterfront-property/ — proof that the line between tragedy and tourism is only as wide as a hotel lobby.
Comedians on the Trump Doctrine and Gaza Resort
“Trump took missiles and turned them into mimosas. That’s a doctrine I can drink to.” — Jerry Seinfeld
“They turned checkpoints into valet stands. Welcome to diplomacy, Trump style.” — Ron White
“The Trump Doctrine is foreign policy with poolside Happy Hour.” — Sarah Silverman
“Who knew ceasefires could come with complimentary hummus?” — Bill Burr
The Critics’ View
Humanitarian groups call Gaza Resort a travesty. Relocation vouchers for Palestinians were packaged as “desert wellness getaways.” Glossy ads sold prefab condos as “authentic retreats,” while aid workers described them as displacement by another name.
One resident, filmed in grainy cellphone footage, sighed:
“At least no tourists in speedos. But I miss the sea.”
Marketing Gaza Resort Under the Trump Doctrine
Advertising campaigns made Gaza Resort a global talking point. Billboards and TikToks shouted:
“From Rockets to Resorts: The Trump Doctrine in Action.”
“Book Now — Ceasefire Included.”
“War Was Yesterday. Gaza Resort Is Forever.”
The Iron Dome missile defense system, once a symbol of survival, now lives on as the Iron Dome Disco, a club pulsing with neon lights timed to old sirens.
For more on this bizarre rebranding, see https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine-transforms-gaza/ .
The Trump Doctrine Expands
Gaza Resort is only Phase One. Trump and his developers already eye other hot spots:
Ukraine: artillery fields as ski slopes.
Afghanistan: mountain lodges above former battle lines.
Syria: desert spas marketed as “ancient wellness.”
Chicago: “already a war zone, just waiting for cabanas.”
Speculation on these future “conflict-to-condo” projects is captured at https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine-turns-war-into-waterfront/ .
Gaza Resort as Legacy
Trump calls Gaza Resort his “Monaco of the Middle East.” Tourists hashtag selfies with #CeasefireSpritz and #RubbleChic, posing beside pools that overlook beaches once known for barricades.
“Nobody believed in peace through pools,” Trump declared. “But the Trump Doctrine proved it. War is temporary. Gaza Resort is permanent.”
The Satirical Punchline
The Trump Doctrine hasn’t solved terrorism; it’s mocked it into irrelevance. Rockets gave way to Roman candles, craters to cabanas, rubble to Rubble Chic luxury.
Gaza Resort stands as the punchline of modern geopolitics: a tragedy turned into a travel package. It’s not peace by any traditional measure, but it is capitalism’s peace — loud, lucrative, and lit by tiki torches.
Disclaimer: This article is satire, written by a professor who once fell asleep during a ceasefire and a dairy farmer who believes diplomacy begins with a swim-up bar. If the Trump Doctrine really does deliver Gaza Resort, don’t blame us — we just called it early.
Auf Wiedersehen.